Ashamed, but Truthful.

There is this part of me that you shall never see,
This part of me that I can't stand to face myself,
I am my enemy and one day I will defeat me,

I like to think of it as a shape with an endless amount of sides,
And with so many different sides there is darkness within that lies,
Not able to define anything from another,
Just waiting for someone to save me,
Just hang me I'm suffocating,
Barely breathing inside,
It will never be alright,
Always lifeless never breathing,
But never letting go or ending,
I need a hand to help me hold on,
Everything is dark this feels so wrong,
This life I find myself in I don't belong,

All these different things that I don't know how to show,
Not always dirty or vile,
But yet I can let it be seen by none,
Yet sucking the life out of me is still taking awhile,
Who I am was never meant to be,
And this life is taking so long to consume me,

I am addicted to my pain for it's my only antidote,
It heals me and yet takes me life away,
There is no recovery forever I search and never find a remedy,
And yet I find myself randomly gaining my victory,
Even though all I want to do is end this pain and let go,
Damn why is this so painful to just let myself and you go
I am bleeding in so many different ways,
And I think light is coming for I am running out of days,
Blackness clouding my vision this is starting to be a comforting rhythm,
When I leave this place I find that you're the only person I would truly miss,
But I can't help you find your purpose for mine is not here with you,
For me I will allude you and the darkness is so enticing with such a beautiful kiss,

It would be best for you to forget me,
I will only draw you closer and then hurt you in the end,
Step on you rip your heart out of your chest,
Forgive me but I swear that forgetfulness is the best,
I will come back and haunt you until you kill yourself,
And then I will proceed to murder you among the under world.
It will be sooner than you would guess,
And more of a surprise than you would like to think,
But as I rip your heart out of your chest me you will regret,
I don't want to leave you without my love,
This hurts me more than it hurts you to watch you suffer like this,
But I am sorry for I am going to hell and you shall fly above,
That lost look in your eyes when you look my way,
I find it hard to say,
But your sorrow is entertaining to me and this heartless play I cannot resist,
For I warned you before I was only going to hurt you and it was all painful play,

The perfection that I once tried to achieve,
Well lets just say it never appeared to me all that people made it out to be,
My sanity was lost within you for you have stolen it from me and I have given it freely,
But I find excellence when I look into your eyes,
Within you I see beauty that I never obtained,
I am a loser so you need to be everything I never could,
But then again I haven't done much to help myself so I shouldn't have rightfully complained,
Me just hanging myself and getting older,
My life that some hold so dearly well I do believe it's my life is over,

I hate feeling like this,
Just try to sleep and let it rein me in at night,
These dark corrupting angels steal my breathe to fight,
These fears of sleep so undesired,
These ghosts that devour me even in the light,
But my muscles remain sleepless,
I know if I don't sleep or rest death of me will get the best,
This darkness that consumes me I did not freely invite,
Things running through my head...bones, blood and scarlet red,
Memories and regrets I cannot seem to shed,
So much fragments of myself so much confusion everywhere,
These dark images that cloud my vision I find so hard to bear,
No peace within my being forever my soul fleeing,
The reasons behind sleeplessness I am unaware,
Me and my restlessness forever disagreeing,

I am handing myself over to you,
Just give me a shot to the head,
I am giving you an opportunity of a life time,
It's not murder so don't see it as a crime,
Make sure the death certificate looks real,
For this pain needs to end,
It's me or you baby and this pain is killing me anyways it's all I feel,
There is no escape so stop telling me this feeling will pass,
My insides are ripped apart and shattered among pieces of glass,
Stop lying to me just stop this pain and give me my victory,
There is no future so stop making me go through this torture chamber,
Don't tell me I'll get over this just like I did the last,
For it's obvious you don't know what I'm going through or how I felt in the past,
Besides you never know what lies under your feet until you let yourself go,
And the monster that is within me...yes we shall have a blast together playing with spirits at-last,
The cannibal that I can finally me eats my flesh away,
It was claiming for years now and I knew that this would happen one day,

No more crying no more pain,
For this life you have slain,
Upon my permission you have taken my life,
After all I have always wanted this and this I finally shall have,
You're above in every way possible,
And who you are I have always loved but forever I shall be below and you will remain above.
This is the way it has to be and this it shall stay,
It's called tough love and my love shall never be taken away,
But my life has to go,
My blood dripping and dying is too slow without a weapon,
Please understand I love you always but this had to happen.