Self Inflicted Pain

I wanted someone to help me define myself,
Instead you left to turn to the Air hoping that it would find you a conclusion,
And left me and my darkness to share each other and gave me no one else,
But is it just me or did it lead you no where to seemingly endless pollution?
And filled you with a vast amount of no solution,

Although it still hurts and I still bleed,
And bitterness I find resides within me,
For my bitterness I do ask you to forgive,
And these pains I am feeling I do not want you seeing,
I do forgive you and this burden you bear I do ask you to let go,
Those past feelings I don't blame you for not knowing how I felt,
For when it came down to it I did not know how to show my feelings either,
And my feelings I should have gotten over and not just dwelt,

It was better for you to just walk away from me as you became so good,
It hurt like hell and upon you I did dwell,
Me just trying to end the pain onto cruel spikes I fell,
Should have taken me but some how it sparred this life,
If nothing else would work I chose the knife,
Gave me the release I needed,
And comatosed through this life I proceeded,

But watching you hurt yourself was more painful than I imagined,
I thought your pain would kill me,
It was later when I realized it was the pain I felt for you that helped heal me,
One day I would see you again and that I started believing,
So I dedicated my life to breath and just continue living,
Later searching but never finding you,
My world had finally ended at last,
And my life I had surpassed,
Seemed as though I had nothing to live for anymore,
This world held no validity,
Drowning myself wasn't easy among a world of possibility,
But this life I no longer wanted if I didn't have you,
So I washed myself and my sanity away in my stupidity,

But something in me made me fight for more,
And years later I lay here worse than when you left me,
I see now that I choose my feelings and it's not you at all...it's me,
And I was screwing myself up and my mind was full of my obscurity,
I'm the one that gave myself away to someone who didn't want me,
It was my choice to listen to my heart and I made myself this badly broken apart,

I lead myself into that trap full of sickness and disease,
You have nothing to ask forgiveness for,
But my heart I do not think can take much more,
So if I am who you want than please give me space,
I can't promise anything for right now I can't remember my name,
And myself and the underworld feel interlaced,

I guess it all comes down to me and my insecurity,
But one thing I can promise you is that I don't want to be hurt,
And I most of all don't want you to keep hurting unfairly,
And what I write above now is all I can truly guarantee.